Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Board Of Control Of Information And Imposing Appropriate Bans On Random News/Entertainment Media

What is breaking news? Don't know the answer? Here it is.

"If the wife doesn't serve her husband morning tea in time, it becomes breaking news.''
Wow! Brilliant! Somebody has finally given a beautiful definition for breaking news. Mr. Ghulam Nabi Azad, you genius.

"If one reads a newspaper or switches on to a news channel, all he gets is news like blasts, murders, family discord and arson as if the entire country is on fire,"

Yes, how much of a problem this is, is known only to fire-fighting agencies. Anyway, that's my trademark bad joke. But still Azad is right. That's why his Congress friend and Union Minister For Broadcasting (this should be renamed as Board Of Control Of Information And Imposing Appropriate Bans On Random News/Entertainment Media - BOCOIAIABORN/EM) Priyaranjan Dasmunshi has drafted a law wherein the Government will tell the media to tell whether the country is on fire or not. Only then the fire story will be approved. This offers interesting possibilities.

Suppose, common-man Rishikesh's house is on fire. Then he will first have to first file an affidavit in the office of BOCOIAIABORN/EM. When they approve it, he will have to produce that approval to a fire-fighting brigade. Then, if his house is still not completely charred, the fire-fighters will douse the fire.

What this law also means is there can be no live telecasts. Why? Because before telecasting, what needs to be telecast has to be approved by BOCOIAIABORN/EM. So in a cricket match it will be ball-by-ball approval. For obvious reasons, this approval can only be given after that ball is bowled. And since this approval would definitely need 48 hours, there can be no live telecasts. Only those parts of the match that are in 'national interest' will be shown. So only matches which India win will be shown. This holds good for all the other sports, or for that matter any live telecast.

And blogs. Random people who have not registered with BOCOIAIABORN/EM cannot write blogs. For getting registered, you need to satisfy the following requirements:
You need to be a member of the Congress Party.
Should be an ardent admirer of the past, present and future members of Gandhi family and will have to write the first hundred posts about the greatness of Congress President.
Should be an ardent admirer of the President of Congress Party and in the next 100 posts you have sing paeans for the President.
Should produce a photograph of you voting for the Congress party in atleast 2 national elections, 3 state elections and 5 City/Town/Village elections.
And after getting registered, you need to submit each of your posts to BOCOIAIABORN/E. After mandatory approvals and deletions and additions, you can publish the post. The idea is to make it difficult for average misinformed citizens from 'creating disturbances in the society by writing inflammatory or nonsensical or non-erudite of fictional or sensational stuff'. The Congress party works in the best interests of the nation. Always.


Vinni said...

lol! ha ha ha! nice one. enjoyed reading it.
be careful for all you know, u might get a call from these buggers

Harish said...

Thank you.

Yes, I know. I might be banned. :P

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