Friday, September 29, 2006

No Magic, Only Pure Logic

As I have told time and again in this blog, many problems world over are nowhere near a solution mainly because of a complete lack of innovative thinking. Narrowing down the scope of the above statement, makes it applicable to the boundary dispute between Karnataka and Maharashtra that has been the central news-item over the past few days. It was complete lack of common sense, let alone innovative thinking, on the part of our leaders of the Nehruvian era that led to creation of states based on language. This has time and again raised many totally avoidable controversies between various states. "Belgaum Boundary Row" is the latest in that list. But all these controversies can be solved only if some creativity is invovled in the thought processes(if any) of our 'esteemed leaders'. As always I will give my solution despite the knowledge about the infinitely insignificant nature of this blog.

As is cliched, you need to get to the root of the problem to solve it. In this case it is the language. Only because people of that region speak either Marathi or Kannada , all these problems arise. So what if the people of Belgaum had spoken the Zulu language? Then they would have demanded that they be part of South Africa (where it is spoken). Since geography, which we can all agree is very cruel, wont allow that, this demand will be a non-starter(unless there is someone like the erstwhile Nizam of Hyderabad who wanted to join Pakistan sitting in the middle of India). But the problem is majority dont speak Zulu in Belgaum. Having identified this we move on to the next step.

Now people should learn Zulu, speak Zulu, write Zulu but be Indian in their hearts. But for people to learn Zulu they should be given incentives. We can give them money, land, forest, talktime, simcards, free television sets, free access to cable television that feature Rani Mukherji, Preity Zinta in peppy item numbers all day and has no programs that have anything to do with Rajdeep etc. Also we can have up and coming tennis players from Belgaum improve their rankings by making them play against Sania Mirza continuously. Sania will agree if she is monetarily rewarded well. We can also have some tax incentives(like zero tax on incomes between 0-1 billion, above it 0.97%) worked out provided they agree to speak Zulu and forget about any other language. If these were the conditions, I would have agreed to speak Zulu even in my sleep. This being the case, people would switch over to Zulu. No more border disputes. But Karnataka retains Belgaum by default. Maharashtra can also feel happy that these people do not have the previlege of watching their proud son Rajdeep. Win-win situation for both.

See, I told you no, idu tumba simple anta? What do you say?

Saturday, September 09, 2006

State of my blog poll - Exclusive

Its unofficial now. Barely 5 months and a handful of posts into this blog, it has been rated as the number one blog by everyone, including people who haven't read this blog, those who haven't heard about it, people travelling in trains, a person named KrishRao(he is from the days of the British Raj) and many others. Frankly, I did not want to publish the results of this poll since I do not believe in numbers. But pressure from people who have helped make this blog a reality and also from KrishRao forced me to publish it.

This was a poll conducted by "AC Ramachandra Rao - Guruwrites", a reputed and reliable agency for opinion polls of any kind. The poll interviewed 5483 people from 17.32 states in the second half of the third week of August. The poll interviewed people from urban as well rural areas, people moving in trains, children above one year and also the one and only KrishRao.

One clear truth that has emerged from this poll is that, people feel that this blog has kept its promise of producing only nonsense. This is a feeling shared by not just by people across the north-south divide but also by me. Another likeable feature of this blog for the people of this nation is that they do not know much about it.

Let me get into some numbers now. Nearly 7.32 percent of the people polled(including those who don't know about this blog) say this blog is one of its kind, hillarious, informative, thought provoking, never-before-never-will-be-such-a-blog. This number can be a bit more than this, if we take into account the volatilities of the stock market, failed monsoons and high prices of vegetables.

People who feel this blog is not good is a negative 0.32 percent. In other words there are no such people. People who said this blog can improve were later found to be invalid voters and hence their votes were not taken into account. But we have accepted their invaluable feedback. The rest of the people felt, this blog, especially its name - guruwrites, is very good and innovative.

Children, who were an important part of the people polled, say this blog has helped them in ways that cannot described in simple words. So I will not describe it. KrishRao says , this blog reminds him of the days of the Raj. Since this is a feeling, KrishRao says, cannot be reasoned out, I shall not attempt to do so respecting the opinion of this octogenarian.

Many people say, such fantastic results are because of people's love, affection and faith in this blog. But I strongly believe, it is because of having conducted this poll we have had such good numbers. Otherwise how would we have known that this blog is at the top.

I would conclude this post, by giving details of some of the questions asked in the poll and people's answers to them.

1> Do you know about this blog?
Yes : Undisclosed percentage
No: Only invalid voters said no

2> Do you feel this blog has helped bring peace in the middle east?
Yes : 97%
No: 3%

3> Do you feel this blog can help the nation to become a superpower?
Yes: 98.79%
Partially Yes: 1.21%

4> Do you feel that the posts on this blog have made train travel more enjoyable?
Yes: 88%
I dont have words to describe my joy: 12%
(Here the gap becomes wider in the semi-urban areas with good bus service)

5> Will you believe the results of this poll as and when thay are out?
Yes: 100%

Disclaimer: This post might not contain facts.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Vande Mataram

Setting apart the controversies, the centenary celebrations of the adoption of "Vande Mataram" by the then Congress has done a lot of good. It first of all made more Indians aware of this beautiful national song. Secondly we were able to listen to the melifluous tune of "Vande Mataram" quite a few times on television today. Set in the very pleasant Des raag, Vande Mataram song gives you a kind of joy that can only be described as transcendental. It stirs up the patriotic feelings in us even today, a good 130 years after its publication. No wonder this was the theme song of our independence movement.

With due respect to"Jana Gana Mana", Vande Mataram, to me is a song that treats the nation as a whole without individually referring to states and provinces. In this way no state can feel left out in this process.

Vande Mataram is also indicative of our culture. This is a nation whose time tested culture puts the mother on a high pedestal. In accordance with this, Vande Mataram offers salutations to our nation in the form of bowing to Mother India. Being in devanagari, it is also in the language of our great epics Ramayana and Mahabaharata which undoubtedly are an invaluable contribution of India to not just world literature but also to humanity.

At the end of the day, irrespective of how high the nation scores in secularism, the national song of a nation should reflect the culture and traditions of the nation. If it invovles a bit of religious touch, so be it. A national song should be one that can spur on the nation, not one that is the product of consensus or compromise. Vande Mataram undoubtedly qualifies on all these accounts. Yet it stays religion neutral.

O Bharata Mata!, Salutations to thou! Vande Mataram! Vande Mataram!