News Entertainment

As MiddleclassBrahmin notes here, in the last few days we have seen some extraordinary news items. Some extraordinary in their triviality, others extraordinary in the potential they hold. Either way, news, as ever, never ceases to entertain.

Sometime last week the Supreme Court dismissed a petition challenging Amithabh Bachan's 'I am a poor farmer. So I was given agricultural land' claim. With this dismissal, implicit is the acceptance of Amithabh as an economically weak farmer. Wow! The angry young man of the 70s is now a judiciary approved poor farmer. This opens up a lot of possibilities. If Amithabh can claim he's a poor farmer, so can I. Atleast I can claim I am a poor software engineer. And here I am very much closer to reality. So if poor farmers like Amithabh(not those that commit suicides everyday being unable to repay loans) are given agricultural lands, poor software engineers should be given free computers including 19 inch LCD monitors(one such I bought last week for a princely sum of 9500 Indian Rupees), free internet connections, USB drives and such other paraphernalia required in the life of a software engineer.

Our Prime Minister, of the 'weakest Prime Minister ever' fame, has said that inflation is difficult to control because of rising prices. Now everyone of us(including me although I have read about discounted cash flow and PE ratio, courtesy wikipedia), even if we have not read anything about economy or finance, are able to recognize that rising prices cause the inflation to shoot up. In other words, price rise is a more layman term for inflation. So in this light, what the PM has said is similar to a cricket captain saying, "We are not playing well because we are playing badly". Dr. Singh, you surely have become a brainless Prime Minister apart from being a spineless one.

Yesterday, the Supreme Court upheld the validity of 27% reservations to OBCs. In doing so, they have also ruled that children of MPs and MLAs(both past and present MPs and MLAs) cannot claim reservation benefit. So once an OBC Indian is elected as an MP/MLA he/she becomes ineligible to leverage his/her caste credentials to educate his/her children. But atleast he/she can make money in obscenely large amounts that shall enable him/her to buy a seat for his/her children. But even this ray of hope shall disappear if the Government falls and the MP/MLA ceases to be an MP/MLA.(Of course this does not apply to Rajya Sabha MPs who have fixed tenure of 6 years.) So all MPs and MLAs, particularly those who are OBC Indians, shall strive to ensure that the Government lasts the full term of five years. This means no more unstable Governments. Something that shall be welcomed by all Indians, OBCs or otherwise. Kudos to the Supreme Court for this.

With major state elections round the corner, stay tuned for more entertainment. Till then though, from everyone here(mainly and only me) at GuruWrites, goodbye.

Government decides to dissolve salt

The present Government being one that woks for the common man day in and day out has decided to dissolve large amounts of salt in huge buckets of fresh water. While announcing this decision at a press conference, Salt and Water Minister Mr. Soz said that this was also a tribute to Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi's salt satyagraha. We, being a channel which takes political news seriously, are bringing you this breaking news exclusively and comprehensively.

For more on this breaking story, we are now joined by our citizen journalist Rishikesh. Rishikesh, how would you view this decision of the Government?
"The Government has got its priorities wrong. While there are other vital issues like the state of Gilli daand sport, the Government has now got itself drowned in the collective euphoria of dissolving salt prior to elections. The Government shall not gain a single seat by this move."
"Do you think they could have dissolved something else that would have been more beneficial to the common man?"
"I think they should have dissolved small inconsequential nations"
"Do you mean they should have dissolved entire nations?"
"Yes, similar to the way in which parliaments are dissolved"

Now, to get the Congress' perspective, we shall talk to Congress spokesperson Jaipal Reddy, who lays great emphasis on pronouncing the 'R's in a word. Mr. Reddy, why dissolve salt? You could have done something more useful.
'The Congrrress Parrty led Govumment has decided to dissolve salt not because salt is soluble in water. But because this move will help common man by incrrreasing industrrrial production."
"How is that so, Mr. Jaipal Reddy?"
"When larrrge quantities of salt arrre dissolved, demand forrr prrroduction of salt incrrreases. This incrrreased prrroduction means morre job crrreation leading to morrre money in people's pockets."
That was Jaipal Reddy speaking to us about the Government's latest move to dissolve salt.

Noted secularist, lyricist and polemist Javed Akthar said that this move of the Government was rooted in 'secular ethos'. He however declined to elaborate. At the other end of the secular spectrum, the Bharateeya Janata Party has soundly criticized this move. When asked whether his party too would dissolve something, BJP spokesperson maintained a curious silence.

Union health minister Ambumani Ramadoss, though, was ebullient in his praise of the Prime Minister for initiating this move that he(Ramadoss) termed as "bold, daring and progressive". He also added that this move will lessen the salt consumption in the country thus reducing the incidence of salt related diseases. He has infact asked Union Entertainment Minister to direct the censor board to not allow the screening of movies where salt dissolution is not shown.

Where will this salt politics take the country to? Will India sign the nuclear deal with US? For answers to these questions and many more stay tuned to this channel as we go behind the scenes and bring you nothing but the truth. Truth, contrary to popular belief, is quite funny. Thank you.

State Of Chinni Daand( or Gilli Daand) And Its Impact On General Elections

Chinni Daand. It’s an age old Indian game which involves a piece of wood with a pointed end and another stick which too is made of wood. The game involves hitting the wooden piece at its pointed end by the wooden stick. Thus hit the pointy edged piece of wood tosses up happily in the air. Before it again lands up on the ground, the player has to hit it again with the wooden stick. The longer the pointy piece of wood travels the greater is the player’s score. If it’s caught by the opponent/s, then the player who hit it is out. With this bit of information, it doesn’t require a genius to observe that this game was surely a precursor to later day cricket. While cricket seems to grab everyone’s attention in India, its ancestor, Chinni Daand also called Gilli Daand, has no takers. Hailed by social scientists as a poor man’s game, Gilli Daand requires little or no infrastructure except for modest if not abundant supply of pointed wooden pieces and wooden sticks. Despite this there is apathy, bias and neglect that haunt this simple game. We being a channel that take our sport seriously bring you this exclusive report about the state of Gilli Daand and it’s impact on national politics.

Gilli Daand, unlike cricket, has suffered from apathy and neglect not just from administrators but also from aam aadmi You won't see school kids playing chinni daand on the street unlike cricket. 'Gilli daand is a sticky game. Streets are not safe in our country today because of the threat of communal riots. Under such a scenario gillidaand with small pieces of timber don't give a sense of protection to the players unlike cricket which armours them with heavy wooden bats that you can swing around at the opponent(rioter)', says noted cricket historian Dr. Guha when asked why there is no street gillidaand. Five year old kid from Dharwad, Master Halebandi, wants to play professional ChinniDaand. 'Amma, amma naanu doDDon aadmyaala gilli daand aaDlakhattateeni'(Amma, amma I will play Gilli Daand after I grow up) says Halebandi in a determined tone. Ironically, there is not even an under 5 tournament to nurture kids like Halebandi. Infact the need of the hour is to have tournaments for every age group starting from 5 to 55. This view was also echoed by veteran octogenarian .KrishRao while reminiscing about the Gilli Daand accomplishments during his heyday.

Sports finance expert Dr. Kapadia believe that how much ever a poor man's game this game may be, it still needs players to either buy required wooden stick and pointy-piece-of-wood or buy wood to make these at home. This requires money. "Therefore", Dr. Kapadia argues, "Government should identify potential Gilli Daand players and waive off all their loans. If they haven't taken one, they should be given one. I think banks should be directed to disburse 15% of loans to Gilli Daand players and after giving such a loan to promising Gilli Daand players it (the loan) should be immediately waived off".

So what does the calls for Government intervention mean in terms of this issue becoming an electoral issue? "The people are fed up with the previous Government not the current one. They are fed up of the communal sectarian divisive agenda of the previous Government. So instead of the current Government, this time, the previous Government will face anti-incumbency. Thus the Congress and its allies will return to power bagging almost all the seats in the Lok Sabha. Infact the Congress alone may win anywhere between 270 to 470 seats out of the total 540 odd seats", argues electoral scientist Dr. Yadav before going on to add, "Thus Gilli Daand will not be an electoral issue". But citizen journalist Rishikesh thinks otherwise. He thinks and thinks quite staunchly that Gilli Daand issue and Gilli Daand issue alone will be an electoral issue. "Given the poor state of hockey in our country, I think improving the state of Gilli Daand in the country will naturally be a top priority. Naturally voters will vote only for that party which has a pro-Gilli-Daand agenda" explains Rishikesh.

Only time will tell whether Gilli Daand will be an electoral issue or not and whether Gilli Daand or Chinni Daand will move to its rightful place under the sun (Pun intended. Pun explanation follows: Since Gilli Daand is normally played outdoors, i.e., under the sun, it can move to its rightful place under the sun when more people play it and thereby the game getting what it deserves.). That's it then for this edition of news. It was a pleasure bringing this very special and exclusive edition of news to you the reader. I am sure you have thoroughly enjoyed every line of this edition. Good night.

Naavu Bharatheeyaru

'Maharashtra for Marathis', 'Tamil Nadu for Tamilians', 'Karnataka for Kannadigas', 'Bihar for Biharis' are slogans of dangerous ideologies that are antithetical to the overarching idea of India. If the people are restricted to live and die in their native states and are targeted in other states, India will cease to be a nation but a set of warring states. So parochial, divisive ideologies should be dealt with strongly. Having said that, the feeling of insecurity among the localites has to be treated in a very responsible manner.

Bangalore is one of the cities where there is a growing perception of insecurity among local people. There is a feeling among the native people that they are becoming strangers in their own land. They feel they are losing their job to 'outsiders'. Though this sense of insecurity is not entirely unfounded, the solution lies not in packing the 'outsiders' off, but in accommodating everyone to benefit from the system.

The solutions are not hard to find. First thing is proper planning. If only our planners had taken care to ensure that growth was spread not just inside Bangalore but also cities around it, the outsider problem would have been less conspicuous. The number of people who have come from other states would have been distributed across a larger area had the growth too been distributed.

Secondly, the opportunities for growth too need to be increased. IT alone should not be seen as an engine of growth. Mysore, for instance, can create so many opportunities through it's sheer tourist attractions. In any other nation, Mysore would have been a thriving, prosperous city with it's places of tourist interest.

Thirdly, and most importantly, the language and culture of each state needs to be respected, nurtured and strengthened both by the state and central governments. Blatant discrimination by Governments, as done by the present UPA regime in giving classical language status to Tamil and not to Kannada though both qualified for it, can only add unnecessarily to the discontent.

In a nation there will be places of high prosperity and also places that are not so. There will naturally be a migration of people to those areas where they feel they can lead a good life. None can deny them that right within a nation. But then they too should learn to be understanding about the native language and culture. Stubborn refusal to learn even basic communication in the native language is very annoying. Atleast an honest attempt should be made.

Given that migration between states can only increase, our education system too needs to be finetuned taking this aspect in mind. Although there is considerable awareness of other cultures through TV and internet there has to be cultural education too in schools where people learn about other states. This can be achieved through meaningful educational trips and interesting books. Above all, we need a strong sense of nationalism to be imbibed into every aspect of our national life, be it education, politics or anything for that matter.At the end of the we are the citizens of one nation and we need to remain so. ''Nation", as Dr. Kalam once said, "ïs bigger than the individual".

My attempt at very very short story writing

The movie playing, inside the city's largest theater, was nearing climax. The protagonist and the villain were engaged in confrontation. People were cheering the protagonist. Suddenly a loud sound of explosion came from the front. The cinema stopped. Momentary silence descended on the cinema hall. Then came the cries and yells from the crowd. Panic engulfed everywhere. Bodies of the dead seemed like islands amidst the blood strewn all around. Ram, a doctor, felt that he would be of help to the injured. He asked his wife to go back home. She, though not in a mood to leave him behind, respected Ram's decision and decided to leave. There was commotion near the exit. There were people shouting at each other. It was a mad scramble to save one's own life. Amidst the chaos, tragedy struck again. Another explosion near the exit. More blood, more bodies and more mayhem. Anxious about his beloved, Ram, caught in the midst of bruised and critically ill, could not help but rush to the door . To his unimaginable horror, he realised that terror had ended his thirty day old marriage life. The magnitude of the cataclysm was so huge that it transcended every form of expression of pain. Movies end. But here, not just the movie, the life of his love too came to an end.
Dreams of a beautiful life to be lived were shattered by those who had death in their minds.

It was post-terror-attack-morning, as usual, the next day. Newspapers, politicians, 'intellectuals' condemned the attacks as ever. They, as is the tradition, asked everyone to maintain communal harmony. Police was under pressure to nab the terrorists. Next day they released computer generated images of the suspected terrorists Nadim and Salim. The faces were shockingly familiar to Suhas, Ram's friend. Feigning themselves as engineering students, they had deceived Suhas to rent his house to them. He immediately called Ram and told him about this. Off they rushed to the police station. Suhas told whatever he knew about them to the police.

A fortnight passed. The two terrorists were caught. Sufficient evidence surfaced against the suspects. Their links with terror organizations, their radical leanings, and their elaborate plan of attack were thoroughly brought out through investigation by the police.

The pace with which the police moved in this case rattled the media. 'Police torturing innocent students' screamed the newspapers and television news channels. There were protest rallies led by human rights activist Ms. Ratnakar. Though sparsely attended, these rallies were described by the media as huge. 'Is our police justified in harassing minorities under the pretense of fighting terror?' asked Mr. Desai, a leading television news anchor, in a tone so shrill that it would have put off the bats in the vicinity that night. Watching this, an otherwise calm person, Ram burst out angrily. In his rage he smashed his television. Suhas, who was then beside Ram, was moved by this magnitude of helplessness of a terror victim. Suhas' eyes went moist, but the moisture glistened in the ray of determination that became visible in his eyes. He made up his mind to organise people and stage a counter protest rally. People came in large numbers. Media condemned it as interference in the 'due course of law'.

But the wheels of justice moved forward unperturbed. The case moved to the courts. The prosecution argued their case diligently. Soon the judgment day arrived. "The two men, Nadim and Salim have been found guilty....This court sentences them to death", came the pronouncement of the judge. Joy that justice had been done, intensely macabre memories of that fateful day and the resulting anger against the murderers filled Ram's mind. Little did he know that the battle was far from over.

The case moved on to the higher court. Verdict remained the same there too. Finally to the supreme court, where too the death sentence was upheld.

'Justice has been unfair', came the media's foul cry. 'Mercy by the President is the only way to soothe assuaged feelings', wrote Ms. Ratnakar in a leading daily. She again hit the road. Violence was manufactured to show, 'the sense of hurt, that was inflicted in the name of religion'. Trivial electoral considerations forced the Government to falter. The convicted terrorists were pardoned.

'Nadim and Salim vindicated', screamed the news channels. Ram, watching this, boiled with anger. The other day there was no expression that could express his pain, today there was no expression that could express his rage, his disgust, his helplessness, his sense of having been denied justice. Memories of his wife swelled up in his mind. He could not save her then from the jaws of death. Now he was unable to see justice done to those who took her life. In his pathos, unable to compose himself, he ended his life.

Few months passed. Another terror strike. This time its prey was the country's home minister. The investigation was high-profile. 'Police arrest Nadim and Salim - main accused in Home Minister's assassination' - read the headlines few days later.

[Due thanks to Guru Anandh for helping me edit this 'story'.]