Guruwrites now in Ukraine

Much is written about the Modi wave. But very little about this blog and how it breached new geographic boundaries. And it has done so without the knowledge of the author. It has done when everyone including the author and the blog's single digit readership base thought this blog was a dead blog, or as John Cleese would say, an ex-blog. Imagine the blog getting 22 views from Ukraine in the last 1 month alone. And Russians are invading Ukraine. So what does all this mean to the geo-political strategic importance of this non-descript blog?
Still not believing? Here it is.

So, given the abysmally low expectations the author sets for himself, this is encouraging. I might write more frequently so that I might also get readers from Azerbaijan.

North Bangalorean's Tour To Jayanagar - Capital Of South Bangalore (Kannada Comedy)

Find out all that you never knew about Jayanagar and will probably never ever know.

Pancharatna Kritis, 5 years of blogging and nothing else

It required almost a year and change of geographical location of the author before posting something new on this, what is now widely believed in the bloggers' circles to be, almost dead blog. I don't offer the reason that I was lazy or didn't have anything interesting to write about. I shall shun all such exhibition of modesty and will not offer to give any explanation. Since none is needed or asked for.

Coming to the topic, what made me write this post on an otherwise uneventful Saturday evening, are someone answering to the name of Thyagaraja of the 18th century, his famed Pancharatna Kritis and the rendition of those Kritis by one Mr. Dr. M Balamurali Krishna (hailed by some as modern day Thyagaraja although it is hard to believe Thyagaraja was from ancient times) which I listened to today as I have listened to for very many times for very many years. So what's there in this? Neither Thyagaraja nor his compositions need introduction from this esteemed blogger. Dr. M Balamurali Krishna is also known to many and is more popular than me although I don't have the backing statistics. Actually there's nothing new. Unlike my discovery of Beatles a few years back, I know from a long time about these persons associated with carnatic music. (To pick a random date, I would say, from 17th April 1994 to be precise.) And to be even more precise, I guess (yes, I guess precisely) Dr. M Balamurali Krishna's rendition of Pancharatna Krithis was my first exposure to these '5 gems of compositions' by Thyagaraja. Over the years I have listened to the Pancharatna Krithis, as with anyone who is aware of carnatic music, many many times over. But what is it that gives such joy in listening to these particular five songs of Mr. T. Raja (not that the other compositions don't but these surpass the others)? What is it that makes the songs even more pleasant to hear when sung in a group? I am sure it is not just the branding of them being 'Pancharatna Kritis'. Neither did anyone market it to me as 'Pancharatna Kritis - From the composer of Nagumomu. In a media player near you'. And what exactly does Dr. BMK do with these songs that make them look as if Thyagaraja had him in mind while composing the songs? If any of you have answers to any of these, please email me at post.to.guru-at-gmail.com. Or maybe comment. I need some comments to bedeck my otherwise dreary looking blog.

Also there was this other thing that crossed my mind a few days back since it had not crossed my mind for several years. And it is that it sounds odd to me that at Thyagaraja Aradhana people sing to Thyagaraja, the songs that he himself wrote and set the tune to. Is it just me or do any of you too think so? And they do this every year! Maybe you might consider singing compositions of P. Das or those of the two of the other three - Shyamashastri and Muthuswamy Dikshitar - who make up the carnatic music trinity alongwith Thyagaraja. I was talking about this the other day with the honourable Arun Parisarapremi. And he seemed to agree with my thoughts. If you too agree as well, you know what to do, right?

And as the wheels of time roll by, this blog turns 5 in 3 days on May 10th. What started off with humble beginnings, has expectedly remained humble barring the occasional delusions of grandeur that grips the author. 5 years have passed. Is it time to elect a new author? SMS Y for a yes and SMS N for a no to some number mentioned by any of the high decibel news anchors of our illustrious news channels.

A Very Hypocritical Post

The futility of profound contemplation regarding certain matters never stops some from thinking, arguing, theorizing and even writing elaborate books on their 'reasoned' arguments. Free will is one of the pet subjects for such people-who-have-time-to-think-about-things-that-are-pointless. You can argue in favour of or against free will and appear convincing as well as unconvincing at the same time. Irrespective of that your life remains more or less what it is. Nothing really changes by delving deep into whether free will is there.

God. Another entity whose existence or non-existence is a subject of intense reasoning and philosophy. People who believe or don't in God continue to hold onto their beliefs(interestingly, even the atheists generally say they don't believe in God and not 'I have reasoned out the non-existence of God') despite earnest attempts by the opposing camp or, to put it eloquently, by the members of the 'opposing school of thought'. Again all the mental energies expended on this subject appear to be a humongous waste. But still it continues to be expended much like Advani's attempts to be the Prime Minister of this nation.

Which brings me to politics. Why do people like me, who can at the most go out and cast a single vote, care so much about which coalition/party forms the Government? Or for that matter whether Dr. Singh is weak or whether Gadkari can bring his party to power? Absolutely inexplicable, given that nobody is willing to offer me the PM's post, atleast a deputy Prime Minister's post like the one Advaniji held.

That's it for this post which I wrote after reading an excellent book titled 'Devaru' by A N Murthy Rao where he reasons whether God exists. Despite being a believer there IS God, my views seemed to be more or less(around 90%, to put a numerical figure) in sync with that of the atheist author.

99th Post

Much like the political party this blog has shamelessly supported(in vain) since inception, this blog too been in a state of paralysis since last June. Reasons for that aren't ideological or leadership related, but sheer laziness. While the political party lost 10% vote share, this blog lost little considering that it never had more than single digit readership.

Anyway, not much has changed in the life of this author since the time I last blogged. Many things, both on the personal as well as on the professional front promised to change in the dying months of 2009 as well as in the early days of 2010. But for one, the others remained just a promise though I am extremely happy for the one thing that I desperately wanted and that went green for me. Well, enough of abstract, abstruse personal musings.

Going forward, I will make an attempt to blog more frequently. The keyword there, though, is 'attempt'. Not that many would care whether I blog frequently. Again very much like the political party that is making an attempt to connect with the India of today. An irrelevant, supremely inappropriate analogy you might say.

Lok Paritran

It has been 28 days since the 2009 general election results came out, still there is not even an iota of analysis in the media of Lok Paritran's poll debacle. That's because media does not have its ear to the ground fearing insects and other life forms that dwell normally on the ground. But such fears cannot evade us or rather Lok Paritran from facing facts.

When brand IIT has become such a hit in quite a few major Scandinavian countries, here's a political party of ex-IIT-ians which has failed to open its account in this vast, humongous, heterogenous, nation of ours. They failed to open their account even in IIT towns. Why? Is their a divide amongst IITians? Is there a disconnect between IIT and society despite the rhyme? Is their a seemingly disconnected disconnect between lawyers and engineers, between ration card holders and senior citizens, between myth and parable, between distorted utopia and unambiguous reality, between sex and metaphysics? "There is", says a senior Lok Paritran leader before adding, "a chintan baithak scheduled next month. We will discuss all these issues. We have already concluded what to conclude in that baithak".

There are other issues that face the party. Why such a name as Lok Paritran? Why not a more cool and contemporary name? Why have Sanskrit name? Why not an Anglo-Saxon name? Why did the innumerable 'love-speeches' made by their President fail to attract voters despised by 'hate-speeches'? What is life? Why didn't they go for alliances with comparably smaller parties like JD(S)? Is U R Ananthmurthy a genius? So many questions stare violently infront of Lok Paritran.

But it's not the end of the road for Lok Paritran says noted political analyst Arjun Sharma. 'Now they might not have won any seat. But they will surely come to power in 15 years', says Arjun displaying his knowledge of political history(BJP rose from 2 seats to ruling party in 15 years.). Even Lok Paritran leaders are optimistic. They have apparently charted out the slogan for the 2014 elections - 'Where there is hope there is despair'. When asked whether it was supposed to 'Where there is despair there is hope', party worker Subrmanya S Z said, 'There is absolutely no confusion. This is our slogan'.

In other news BJP President Rajnath Singh has expelled himself from the party for talking to the media to announce the party's new gag orders. "It was a Catch-22 like situation for me", said Mr. Singh showing surprising knowledge of Joseph Heller's work.

The Party Is Over

A political party has unofficially died today marking the end of the longest surviving non-Congress party. This was no ordinary party. This was a party that shook the political certitudes of Indian politics like no one else had done before. This was a party that captured the public imagination and the ultimate power in fairly rapid and dramatic way. This was a party that gave India one of her best Prime Ministers. This was a party that dominated and dictated the agenda for five successive general elections.

A party that was once so full of ideas got bankrupt and corrupt by the stint in power. Bereft of new ideas, unable to cling on to old ones, the party developed severe identity crisis. The crisis needed application of thoughts by its once much envied leadership. But the leadership was tired and jaded. The leadership was at war with itself. The leadership tried to beat its opponents by becoming exactly like its opponent. The leadership was in denial about the disease that had afflicted the party. The party was at war with itself. It had become a weak, pity, pale shadow of its once glorious self.

Like the drowning man, it hoped someone else from outside would come and help. And this help it expected from its opponents. In the world of competitive politics, that was asking for a death blow. Blow it did receive but survived for a few hours raising hopes of the believers that atleast now an emergency surgery would be undertaken to cure the ill. But the party went back to denial and to old certitudes and to ideas that had gone past their sell by date. It died.

But political parties are in some ways immortal. They can come back from death and lead a rejuvenated life. Can this party do? Do they still have the resolve to do it? Will they carry out the onerous responsibility of ensuring a bipolar polity in India? Let's hope they regain their life for the sake of India.

Another pointless post - 88th post

GuruWrites has come under intense ridicule and criticism by the single digit readership of the blog who say that GuruWrites gets active only for celebratory posts. Some critics also point out that the author of this blog could not could not come up with new posts due to ideological differences though the same critics have not been able to point out with whom these ideological differences have cropped up.

Sources close to GuruWrites have told that the blogger has now become uncomfortable with a Hindu-sounding name. 'The author of this blog has huge political ambitions. He doesn't want that to be harmed by writing in a blog that sounds too Hindu', says noted lawyer turned postman Krantikari. But this has also been denied by the very same sources.

Amidst all these rumour mongering and speculations, mainly by GuruWrites, the author of this esteemed blog has not been available for comment. Sources say the writer at GuruWrites is slightly disappointed that he has still not recieved JnaanaPeeTha or Kendra Sahitya Academy Award despite the prolific literary outpourings in his blog. But the author is planning to celebrate the 100th post soon in a grand way.

Guruwrites celebrates 3 years of relentless, clear, pointed, ahead, truth first, humour next blogging

It's been possible mainly because of you, you and the person to your extreme right.

Guruwrites celebrates 86th post

On this occasion of the 86th post from the Guruwrites Inc., the Gregorian calendar has moved on to 2009. 'It's incredible that the commencement of new year has coincided with the landmark 86th post from Guruwrites', said a beaming author of this blog. '86 is a significant number. Remember the 86th amendment. Remember 1986', said the author while commenting on the significance of 86th post. However, not many, including the author, understood what the previous statement meant.
In the aftermath of Mumbai terror attacks, the 86th post celebration has been low key. But that did not deter noted citizen journalist Rishikesh from speaking his mind to the media people. 'This is a historic moment in the history of the Indian Right', said Rishikesh while addressing a press conference. This has triggered a wave of speculation in the national and regional media about the political incilination of this blogger. 'Rishikesh is a respactable citizen journalist. If he thinks this is a historic day for the Indian Right, then this would mean the end of secularism in this country', moaned noted secularist Ms Seetalwad before emitting a shrill tone which shrill tone analysts believe was an unrelated call to defeat Narendra Modi in whichever election possible in whichever country.
When asked to comment on the controversy, the author of Guruwrites had only mathematical chutzpah to offer. '86 is 14 short of hundred. 8+6=14.', said the Guru. Since nothing much could be inferred from that, nothing much was inferred. Wish you all a happy new year.

A pointless post

A few days back, much to my surprise, a couple of readers of this blog(whose readership hasn't made much headway since the days of single digit readership and has stayed in single digits despite such avant-garde, path-breaking, historical, thought provoking, laughter-riot-inducing, heart-wrenching writing), asked me why I am not updating my other blog. The one about music which I started in my typical I-know-about-everything style and stopped after 3 brief posts with one of them being an introduction. (Quite laughable indeed.) Despite being pretentious sometimes, I am also honest. So I said, 'En bareebeku gottaaglilla, adakke barililla' (For the English-knowing-Kannada-gottilla readership of this esteemed blog, here goes the translation. 'I didn't know what to write. So I didn't write').
Truer words have been spoken, but this too was quite true. I assumed myself to be connoisseur of music and started that blog. A connoisseur who took twenty four years of his life to discover Beatles and consequently realize their greatness. This was such a laughable discovery that I almost wanted to write a post, 'A random-passerby Harish declares that Beatles were great - a good 38 years after they shut down as a group'. This being the case, what shall I write in a music blog(although I read almost everything that's there in the wikipedia about Beatles)? Ok, to write about music, knowledge about Beatles isn't mandatory, especially for a person like me who really couldn't differentiate between jazz, rock and pop for a long time. Ok, what do I know about Indian music apart from my failed attempts to learn violin.
I started learning violin when I was a nine year old much like musicians of yore. Instantly made, Chowdiah as my inspiration - a person whose performance I had never heard. Took less than a couple of years to move on to varNaas before I discontinued. This I attributed to creative differences with the teacher. No, I actually I didn't like they way it was taught in Vijaya College Of Music and I didn't know where else to go to learn Violin. Then, 2 or 3 years later, I suddenly remembered my pledge to become Chowdiah whose violin rendition I had still not heard. Consequently I decided to resume learning violin. And where did I go? To the same teacher at the same school. It continued for less than a year or so and again creative differences arose and I left with my pledge not yet redeemed. Status - 2 or 3 varNaas. 2 or 3 years later, I had forgotten my pledge as also the fact that I had still not listened to Chowdiah. Being a man who can be very easily swayed sometimes by propaganda, I went back, at the start of my engineering, to my learn-violin adventure after I heard so many people say that, 'Harisha, jeevandalli hooby anta iTTkobeku. Adralloo sangeeta. Manassige santasa koDutte. Nee kacheri koDbekaagilla. Maneli nuDiskobahudu. Ningidu eega gottaagalla, munde gottaagutte'(Here goes the translation - 'Harisha, in life, you should have a hobby. That too music. It gives you happiness. You need not give concerts. You can play violin at home itself. You won't realise it now, you will realise later'). This time I found a pretty good teacher who taught really well and I made dramatic progress and in 2-3 years completed most of the syllabus for the junior exam. Lost interest suddenly. Left
learning. And became a software engineer.

Despite such a lengthy learning, I really didn't know much about Carnatic music that you could really write about in a serious blog on music which I wanted my other blog to be. And what about Indian film music? Well pretty much the same case when you consider that I came to know of one of India's best composers Ilayaraja only 3 or 4 years back. I should thank Arjun though for introducing me to Ilayaraja's music. (That Ilayaraja worked in G K Venkatesh's music troupe made me proud as a Kannadaiga). Instantly became so impressed by Raja sir's music that I wanted to download all the songs he has composed in all the languages and I did download few songs in Telugu and one in Malayalam apart from many in Kannada and Tamil(this despite me not understanding any of these languages apart from Kananda). What wonderful music!
And I proclaim that I am a big fan of A R Rehman's music, a fan who stumbled upon one of Rehman's best compositions - 1947 Earth - only earlier this year.
Even if we assume there's no need for any knowledge to write about music you should atleast know how to write about music. Whenever you ask me to write about a song I like, it shall usually contain two or three words/phrases like, 'melodious', 'superb orchestration', 'excellent background instruments'. If I am the most creative I might use mellifluous. In that way I might destroy songs by writing about it and making people go away from those songs. So I didn't write. Instead concentrated on writing extremely opinionated posts on significant political events apart from humour. Yes, I wrote this entire post to essentially say what the previous sentence said. Thank You.

Why don't we find columns like these in more mainstream newspapers?

Read This.

Hindu

Difficult times these are for our nation. Inflation, economic slowdown are facing us. The threat of terrorism is has engulfed the entire nation. As if these weren't enough, just based on the arrest of a Sadhvi, against whom no allegations have yet been proved in a court of law, Hindus are being branded as 'terrorists'. Hindus have been discriminated and humiliated in this country but nothing more damning and insinuating and unjust was said about the Hindus until now. If Hindus were terrorists, India wouldn't have been a multi-religious, secular nation.

Hinduism is probably the most liberal religion. Believers and unbelievers are accomodated even amongst Hindus. Budha revolted against certain aspects of Hinduism and formed his religion. Yet Hindus treat him as one of the ten avataras of Vishnu. Within Hinduism too there are so many diverse philosophies that preach everything from monism to dualism to even Charuvakas's epicurean atheism. And the beauty is that this dissent has been given due place in our epics too. Arjuna's initial rebuttal of whatever Lord Krishna said is very much part of Bhagavad Gita. Vaali's condemnation of Lord Rama for shooting him from behind is very much part of Ramayana. Charuvaka's materialistic way of life as opposed to the spiritualistic way of Vedanta, too is given a space without being dismissed as anti-Hindu. Without this tradition of tolerance ingrained in our every thought, this country wouldn't have had the capacity to embrace so many religions.

Such a glorious religion is today being defamed beyond the wildest of imaginations. This slander is based on things that aren't even proven. Words like 'Hindu Jihad' are unthinkable for any Hindu. Even if one or two individuals are found guilty, painting the entire community as terrorists is blasphemous. There is no mainstream Hindu organization that trains people to target people of other faiths. Such a thing is an anthema to Hindu thought. Hinduism is fundamentally too different to be compared with other religions which have waged wars to assert their supremacy. If this isn't realised by our 'secular' brethren, the future doesn't bode well. Hope this Deepawali brings light to our 'liberals'.

Happy Deepawali To You All.

PS: Here's an excellent article by Tarun Vijay. Please read it.

Financial crisis, Internet Crisis, Judgement Crisis

How about internet crisis similar to the financial crisis? One man wakes up one fine day and downloads the internet. Virtually everything that's there on the world wide web from google to mindry.in. To store such huge amount of data, he would need all the servers on this planet that currently powers the internet. So with both content and the servers, practically he becomes the internet. Clever. Right?

How about judgement crisis? Suppose judges find that they have too much time and decide to give judgements to cases that are yet to be moved in the courts. Such prescience on the part of judges would mean that there would be no proceedings in courts. Even before a person moves a court, he would have the judgement. No lawyers, no judges and no law minister then.

That's it then for this seemingly lame post. Good bye.

War On Terror : UPA's take

Congress Party has finally decided that it will fight terror. And the strategy it plans to adopt is very much in tune with its traditional thought processes. The Congress Party led Government is planning to appoint a Minister exclusively to fight terror retaining the supremely effective Home Minister Shivraj Patil.
It wouldn't be surprising if the Congress Party thinks that by this 'war strategy' terrorists would be on the back foot.
The next few days, would now be spent on naming the ministry. What could the names be? This naming is very tricky. The naming has to take into consideration all sections of society. It can't simply be Minister For Internal Security. Not even Anti-Terrorism Minister. The minority sentiments have to be kept in mind. So more likely name would be Minister Who Should Fight Terrorism And Hindu Communalism While Preserving The Secular Fabric Of The Nation And Keeping In Mind Minority Sentiments(MWSFTAHCWPTSFONKIMMS). This would be the longest named ministry in the world. Even the abbreviation is longer than names of some ministries. But that's a small sacrifice in keeping India's robust secular traditions alive.

Back to wish you all

Guruwrites is back. Back to wish you all belated wishes. Exactly a month and one day ago, this nation turned 61. Belated wishes go out from GuruWrites to all believers of Indian tricolour. A day before that, our esteemed neighbour Pakistan celebrated its 61st independence day which went unnoticed in large parts of Azerbaijan.
On 15th, people belonging to a Brahminical clan, including me, managed to celebrate Upakarma despite the patriotic frenzy that engulfs the nation every year on that day. I wish all of them and myself belated Happy Upakarma. On August 22nd, people managed to celebrate nothing despite the temptation to do so.
Few days rolled before Hindus, from rabid right wingers to liberal lefties, celebrated Ganesha Chaturthi a day after Hindu women from all walks and stages of life celebrated Gowri Pooja with much gaeity and fanfare. This author deeply regrets the use of word gaeity in this otherwise sane post. Anyhow, I would now take this opportunity to wish Indians living in every nook and corner of the world particularly those Indians in Baku and even particularly those Indians who speak Baki, a belated Very Happy Gowri Ganesha Habba.
Yesterday, September 15th, was celebrated as the birthday Sir M Vishweshwariah(Sir M V). On this occasion, noted nanogenarian from Mysore, KrishRao pondered, "If Sir MV were to be alive today, he would have turned 148".
Amidst all these, rabid right wing lunatic, ace fake news reporter and founder member of cult comedy group mindry.in, Arjun Sharma came back to his homeland causing much consternation and dismay to a noted Kannada poet whom Arjun has a tendency to mock and ridicule for no apparent or genuine reason.
I will end this post here. I don't know what to say.

Shatrugna is brother of Rama of Ramayana fame

Well, if the title of this post seemed to state the obvious for some of you, it doesn't for many people. These people don't know who was Shatrugna. We found this out not by conducting an opinion like Dr. Yogendra Yadav does. Neither did we ask the census people to find out whether people knew who Shatrugna was. That wouldn't have added much value to their census work anyway. What we did was pretty simple. We thought of interviewing Shatrugna. So we did this.

We thought that that interview was hilarious. The locale for the interview and the camera work was brilliant. If saying so is being immodest, so be it. But the interview, much like the interviewee, Shatrugna, received low popularity.(When I say low popularity, it's relative to the popularity of videos like this and surprisingly this.) The reason, we found out, was that many didn't know who Shatrugna was.

A software engineer from Shimoga, whose name translates to Lotus, said, "Yeah, I know Shatrugna. He comes in Ramayana or Mahabharatha. Right?". If that was shocking, another software engineer who has based his operations in Scotland asks, "Shatrugna was Rama's son. Wasn't he?". On the contrary, Sharat Kowligi of Mindry.in seems to know the assets of Shatrugna's son too.

Swaroop, who plays the judge remarkably well, in this hrasva swara competition, says many did not know that a character like Shatrugna ever existed in any of our epics."This is quite shocking. We should now make elaborate documentaries on the daily lives of Shatrugna, Nakula, Sahadeva and other low key men of our epics.", says a disappointed Arjun, a much acclaimed actor and a master cinematographer in the hit comedy group Mindry.in. Clearly, as Mr. Kadambi says here, people should stop spending time only on google searches and get to reading books, more importantly our epics Ramayana and Mahabharatha.

News Entertainment

As MiddleclassBrahmin notes here, in the last few days we have seen some extraordinary news items. Some extraordinary in their triviality, others extraordinary in the potential they hold. Either way, news, as ever, never ceases to entertain.

Sometime last week the Supreme Court dismissed a petition challenging Amithabh Bachan's 'I am a poor farmer. So I was given agricultural land' claim. With this dismissal, implicit is the acceptance of Amithabh as an economically weak farmer. Wow! The angry young man of the 70s is now a judiciary approved poor farmer. This opens up a lot of possibilities. If Amithabh can claim he's a poor farmer, so can I. Atleast I can claim I am a poor software engineer. And here I am very much closer to reality. So if poor farmers like Amithabh(not those that commit suicides everyday being unable to repay loans) are given agricultural lands, poor software engineers should be given free computers including 19 inch LCD monitors(one such I bought last week for a princely sum of 9500 Indian Rupees), free internet connections, USB drives and such other paraphernalia required in the life of a software engineer.

Our Prime Minister, of the 'weakest Prime Minister ever' fame, has said that inflation is difficult to control because of rising prices. Now everyone of us(including me although I have read about discounted cash flow and PE ratio, courtesy wikipedia), even if we have not read anything about economy or finance, are able to recognize that rising prices cause the inflation to shoot up. In other words, price rise is a more layman term for inflation. So in this light, what the PM has said is similar to a cricket captain saying, "We are not playing well because we are playing badly". Dr. Singh, you surely have become a brainless Prime Minister apart from being a spineless one.

Yesterday, the Supreme Court upheld the validity of 27% reservations to OBCs. In doing so, they have also ruled that children of MPs and MLAs(both past and present MPs and MLAs) cannot claim reservation benefit. So once an OBC Indian is elected as an MP/MLA he/she becomes ineligible to leverage his/her caste credentials to educate his/her children. But atleast he/she can make money in obscenely large amounts that shall enable him/her to buy a seat for his/her children. But even this ray of hope shall disappear if the Government falls and the MP/MLA ceases to be an MP/MLA.(Of course this does not apply to Rajya Sabha MPs who have fixed tenure of 6 years.) So all MPs and MLAs, particularly those who are OBC Indians, shall strive to ensure that the Government lasts the full term of five years. This means no more unstable Governments. Something that shall be welcomed by all Indians, OBCs or otherwise. Kudos to the Supreme Court for this.

With major state elections round the corner, stay tuned for more entertainment. Till then though, from everyone here(mainly and only me) at GuruWrites, goodbye.

Government decides to dissolve salt

The present Government being one that woks for the common man day in and day out has decided to dissolve large amounts of salt in huge buckets of fresh water. While announcing this decision at a press conference, Salt and Water Minister Mr. Soz said that this was also a tribute to Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi's salt satyagraha. We, being a channel which takes political news seriously, are bringing you this breaking news exclusively and comprehensively.

For more on this breaking story, we are now joined by our citizen journalist Rishikesh. Rishikesh, how would you view this decision of the Government?
"The Government has got its priorities wrong. While there are other vital issues like the state of Gilli daand sport, the Government has now got itself drowned in the collective euphoria of dissolving salt prior to elections. The Government shall not gain a single seat by this move."
"Do you think they could have dissolved something else that would have been more beneficial to the common man?"
"I think they should have dissolved small inconsequential nations"
"Do you mean they should have dissolved entire nations?"
"Yes, similar to the way in which parliaments are dissolved"

Now, to get the Congress' perspective, we shall talk to Congress spokesperson Jaipal Reddy, who lays great emphasis on pronouncing the 'R's in a word. Mr. Reddy, why dissolve salt? You could have done something more useful.
'The Congrrress Parrty led Govumment has decided to dissolve salt not because salt is soluble in water. But because this move will help common man by incrrreasing industrrrial production."
"How is that so, Mr. Jaipal Reddy?"
"When larrrge quantities of salt arrre dissolved, demand forrr prrroduction of salt incrrreases. This incrrreased prrroduction means morre job crrreation leading to morrre money in people's pockets."
That was Jaipal Reddy speaking to us about the Government's latest move to dissolve salt.

Noted secularist, lyricist and polemist Javed Akthar said that this move of the Government was rooted in 'secular ethos'. He however declined to elaborate. At the other end of the secular spectrum, the Bharateeya Janata Party has soundly criticized this move. When asked whether his party too would dissolve something, BJP spokesperson maintained a curious silence.

Union health minister Ambumani Ramadoss, though, was ebullient in his praise of the Prime Minister for initiating this move that he(Ramadoss) termed as "bold, daring and progressive". He also added that this move will lessen the salt consumption in the country thus reducing the incidence of salt related diseases. He has infact asked Union Entertainment Minister to direct the censor board to not allow the screening of movies where salt dissolution is not shown.

Where will this salt politics take the country to? Will India sign the nuclear deal with US? For answers to these questions and many more stay tuned to this channel as we go behind the scenes and bring you nothing but the truth. Truth, contrary to popular belief, is quite funny. Thank you.

State Of Chinni Daand( or Gilli Daand) And Its Impact On General Elections

Chinni Daand. It’s an age old Indian game which involves a piece of wood with a pointed end and another stick which too is made of wood. The game involves hitting the wooden piece at its pointed end by the wooden stick. Thus hit the pointy edged piece of wood tosses up happily in the air. Before it again lands up on the ground, the player has to hit it again with the wooden stick. The longer the pointy piece of wood travels the greater is the player’s score. If it’s caught by the opponent/s, then the player who hit it is out. With this bit of information, it doesn’t require a genius to observe that this game was surely a precursor to later day cricket. While cricket seems to grab everyone’s attention in India, its ancestor, Chinni Daand also called Gilli Daand, has no takers. Hailed by social scientists as a poor man’s game, Gilli Daand requires little or no infrastructure except for modest if not abundant supply of pointed wooden pieces and wooden sticks. Despite this there is apathy, bias and neglect that haunt this simple game. We being a channel that take our sport seriously bring you this exclusive report about the state of Gilli Daand and it’s impact on national politics.

Gilli Daand, unlike cricket, has suffered from apathy and neglect not just from administrators but also from aam aadmi You won't see school kids playing chinni daand on the street unlike cricket. 'Gilli daand is a sticky game. Streets are not safe in our country today because of the threat of communal riots. Under such a scenario gillidaand with small pieces of timber don't give a sense of protection to the players unlike cricket which armours them with heavy wooden bats that you can swing around at the opponent(rioter)', says noted cricket historian Dr. Guha when asked why there is no street gillidaand. Five year old kid from Dharwad, Master Halebandi, wants to play professional ChinniDaand. 'Amma, amma naanu doDDon aadmyaala gilli daand aaDlakhattateeni'(Amma, amma I will play Gilli Daand after I grow up) says Halebandi in a determined tone. Ironically, there is not even an under 5 tournament to nurture kids like Halebandi. Infact the need of the hour is to have tournaments for every age group starting from 5 to 55. This view was also echoed by veteran octogenarian .KrishRao while reminiscing about the Gilli Daand accomplishments during his heyday.

Sports finance expert Dr. Kapadia believe that how much ever a poor man's game this game may be, it still needs players to either buy required wooden stick and pointy-piece-of-wood or buy wood to make these at home. This requires money. "Therefore", Dr. Kapadia argues, "Government should identify potential Gilli Daand players and waive off all their loans. If they haven't taken one, they should be given one. I think banks should be directed to disburse 15% of loans to Gilli Daand players and after giving such a loan to promising Gilli Daand players it (the loan) should be immediately waived off".

So what does the calls for Government intervention mean in terms of this issue becoming an electoral issue? "The people are fed up with the previous Government not the current one. They are fed up of the communal sectarian divisive agenda of the previous Government. So instead of the current Government, this time, the previous Government will face anti-incumbency. Thus the Congress and its allies will return to power bagging almost all the seats in the Lok Sabha. Infact the Congress alone may win anywhere between 270 to 470 seats out of the total 540 odd seats", argues electoral scientist Dr. Yadav before going on to add, "Thus Gilli Daand will not be an electoral issue". But citizen journalist Rishikesh thinks otherwise. He thinks and thinks quite staunchly that Gilli Daand issue and Gilli Daand issue alone will be an electoral issue. "Given the poor state of hockey in our country, I think improving the state of Gilli Daand in the country will naturally be a top priority. Naturally voters will vote only for that party which has a pro-Gilli-Daand agenda" explains Rishikesh.

Only time will tell whether Gilli Daand will be an electoral issue or not and whether Gilli Daand or Chinni Daand will move to its rightful place under the sun (Pun intended. Pun explanation follows: Since Gilli Daand is normally played outdoors, i.e., under the sun, it can move to its rightful place under the sun when more people play it and thereby the game getting what it deserves.). That's it then for this edition of news. It was a pleasure bringing this very special and exclusive edition of news to you the reader. I am sure you have thoroughly enjoyed every line of this edition. Good night.