Monday, January 07, 2008

Cricket 2008

Well, cricket has truly turned a new corner this new year. Gone are the days when players were at the mercy of players. Even now they are, but atleast players of one team - team Australia, are not. Infact they are not at anyone's mercy, not even the match referee or the ICC.

This's a small but significant development. Australian players are so powerful that they just need to lodge a complaint against an opposition player they are not comfortable playing against. The complaint can be anything. Let me illustrate a possible complaint. 'Player A of a non-Australian team f***** up his(A's) wife'. The ICC will soon call an emergency meeting of the Protection-From-Sexual-Abuse-And-Prevention-Of-AIDS-In-Cricket committee. Andrew Symonds, the complainant, shall offer to be the voyeuristic witness. Voyeurism pales into insignificance in front of the game. 'Game is bigger than voyeurism', said the great Australian cricketer-turned-philosopher David Ross. As a celebration of this noble thought Australian media shall hail Andrew Symonds as 'the unassuming, selfless, daring hero who uncharted delicate and private territories to save the game from going down a lusty perverted intellectual drain'. Whatever that means! And the ICC will ban the cricketer A from the game and also sperate the couple if possible.

In this way they can 'remove' key opposition players. Others can be eliminated in a simpler way with the help of umpires-who-save-the-game-by-submitting themselves-to-Australian-divinity. These umpires apply the simple thumb rule, 'There is no bowler in the world who can dismiss an Aussie batsman before he scores a 100. There is no non-Aussie batsman who can score half century'.

By committing themselves to these noble game-saving measures, Australia can proudly say, 'We play the game in the right spirit'.

1 comment:

Arjun said...

You have got your asterisks right there, with the swear word.